Although how can you know who you are till you know what you want, which you don’t?
So then which do you pick: where you’re safe, out of sight and yourself, but where everything’s wrong?; or where everything’s right and you know that you’ll never belong?
The Sondheim, Into the Woods
Last night I attended a networking night for my alma mater. Mostly I went because it was at the swanky Princeton Club and always has delicious food.
Networking is anathema to social anxiety as it’s hours of forced small talk with the goal of obtaining a business contact. Unfortunately, networking is essential to surviving in the professional world, as the squeaky wheel truly does get the grease.
The night went fine as I am not job searching, so I played the role as sage to undergrads seeking contacts and advice. Plus, I mostly just talked to a friend.
However, it left me pondering social anxiety and socializing.
When feeling my best I require very little social time – I can go days without interacting with anyone and not give it a thought.
The guilt around socializing creeps in as my mood dips – thoughts about how I should be socializing because it’s expected of people. Even at my best, most social interactions feel inauthentic, like I’m adopting a different persona and faking my way through it.
In short, I don’t mind being alone and feel inauthentic in social settings. The Into the Woods lyrics above spring to mind when I think about this.
So then which do you pick: where you’re safe, out of sight and yourself, but where everything’s wrong?; or where everything’s right and you know that you’ll never belong?
So then which do I pick: where I’m safe, out of sight and myself, but beat myself up because it’s “wrong” (read: socially unacceptable) to spend that much time alone.
Or where everything’s “right” (read: socializing an acceptable amount) and I know that I’ll never belong?
Witches can be right
Giants can be good
You decide what’s right
You decide what’s good
MBC
/ January 11, 2013Really like this post. I suffer the same fate. I am a full time student right now so my trouble comes when the good old instructor says, “lets split up and work in groups”. I’m thinking, where’s the iso ward class? I choose aloneness, but always seem to get stuck in people situations. Love your analogy of “Into the Woods”.
EJ
/ January 11, 2013Maybe others would disagree, but for me there’s no particular socially-acceptable level of interaction – the key is to find the balance, and that will be different for everyone.
I hope the food was good
Lunch Sketch
/ January 12, 2013Great Post! Love the lyrics and poem at the end.
cutelaelae
/ January 12, 2013I understand this totally. My parents actually wonder how people (I) can just stay alone. I hate that it’s ‘socially unacceptable’ to be alone.
avaelyn
/ January 13, 2013How true that is. I have pretty severe social anxiety. I am usually pretty content to be on my own. I often find I feel most alone and lonely when in a group of people. But I am a full-time student in business, and work part-time. I can be outgoing if I want to, but it takes so much practice and is often rather n effort. I have such a love/hate relationship with people. No, not hate, actually. More a love/fear relationship. I love people, and think they are wonderful from a distance, but they really scare the crap outta me.