The headshrinker and I were talking about specific indicators of a worsening mood (losing concentration, lack of motivation, etc.) so I’m charting them to see if hyper-vigilance will make a difference.
Worsening Mood Cycle (Indicators in Chronological Order)
- Excellent mood, moderate to high productivity
- Concentration begins to decrease
- Reading comprehension decreases
- Length of time between going to bed and falling asleep increases
- Negative thoughts/self-destructive thoughts increase
- Motivation decreases
- Difficulty sleeping without sleep aid
- Begin to question life status/path (socialization time vs. isolation, reality vs. potential)
- Begin to isolate
- Lose all motivation
- Lose all concentration
- Apathy and adehonia set in
On average, each cycle is about six weeks in length but can be accelerated or decelerated by external events. Unfortunately the excellent mood usually lasts between 4-7 days while the low mood lasts for weeks. In the past seven days I’ve moved from step 2 to step 7 – my mood is still pretty even but things are slipping.
Thoughts on the Cycle
Losing concentration is closely followed by losing motivation, as I can’t be productive if I can’t concentrate. Most of my hobbies involve medium to high levels of concentration, so productivity is often halved when concentration wanes. Beyond ADHD meds, is there anything chemical that can help my concentration issues?
Charting this cycle has been interesting, as it’s really highlighted the shame and guilt I feel around not being productive. I noticed that my mood gets exponentially worse when I’m not busy at work and I feel infinitely better when productive during non-work times.
It would seem I need to keep busy, keep my mind occupied. But then I wonder whether keeping busy is simply a way to keep the worsening mood under the surface, containing it until it explodes without warning. That situation played out many times over the years – ignoring something until it explodes. Is there is a difference between keeping busy because it’s productive and healthy and keeping busy to avoid depression?
What does your mood cycle look like? How long does it last?
Things I Read and Found Interesting or Funny:
- 6 Social Situations That Aren’t A Big Deal, But Give Me Anxiety
- 21 Emotions For Which There Are No English Words [Infographic]
- How Google Author Rank Could Change Content Marketing and Journalism
- This Is How You Write a Memoir
- A Three-Day Plan to Increase Your Focus
- What Generation Y Really Wants
- The Need for Authentic Meaning
- No Flowers on the Psych Ward
- 4 scientific studies on how meditation can affect your heart, brain and creativity
- Shame: The Master Emotion
Anonymous
/ January 15, 2013dont think it all through so much, just be
anxietyadventures
/ January 16, 2013Oh I’m trying. I’m trying.
drgeraldstein
/ January 15, 2013Just wondering the extent to which you and the shrink have discussed whether hyper-vigilance is the problem rather than the solution.
anxietyadventures
/ January 16, 2013Absolutely, we’ve discussed. Isn’t that ultimately what anxiety is – hyper-vigilance?
prideinmadness
/ January 15, 2013I’ve never charted my mood because I feel it would be more stressful for me personally. I do go between being happy and angry very quickly. Alert to overly alert to the point of thinking is difficulty and coping in general is usually a disaster.
anxietyadventures
/ January 16, 2013Yes, completely agree. I wouldn’t have tried to chart my mood cycle if I didn’t start at the beginning, when feeling at my best.
mm172001
/ January 15, 2013Reblogged this on Mm172001's Blog and commented:
I like hearing how different people’s cycles are different. Mine are also in worsening order:
1. Great mood, talkative, social, nothing bothers me, have a bunch of irons in the fire, sometimes a little risky behavior.
2. Able to prioritize and stick with a project longer before moving to the next, still bore easily.
3. Productive and realistic, having fun and getting things done.
4. Sleeping in later.
5. Less energy and motivation.
6. Apathetic and/or flat. (which sometimes can be a good thing)
7. Feeling empty, lonely and as if life is meaningless.
8. Ruminating on everything wrong in my life and the possibility less future.
9. Lacking personal care, not functioning well. Skipping school, staying in bed all day, not eating much, not bathing
9. Urges to self harm or passively planning/thinking about suicide.
10. Self harming (sometimes)
11. Ask for help- medication change, emergency therapy sessions, or hospitalization
anxietyadventures
/ January 16, 2013Thanks for the reblog! Your list is great. Mine definitely needs to incorporate many of your steps.
mm172001
/ January 16, 2013Your welcome, I think it’s a great idea and I should maybe even print it out so I can see where I’m at. I’m sure there is stuff I forgot but it’s a good general picture.
Lunch Sketch
/ January 15, 2013Not sure I would be able to chart mine. Haven’t seen a pattern in the past.
I like your final question … at times I struggle with that one too at times.
When is it healthy to just take a break and have a rest from work and responsibility and when is it succumbing to avoidance and depression?
anxietyadventures
/ January 16, 2013Exactly – please let me know if you ever find an answer to that question!
sculdy
/ January 17, 2013I think my chart would look pretty similar to yours. I’m at a 10 right now and wondering how to get back to 1..
DeeDee
/ February 1, 2013I hate to suggest it, but this does sound a bit like bipolar cycling. I recently set out a similar set of steps – but divided into baseline, depression, and mania, with a bad-to-worse description of intervention points. I haven’t tried actually setting it out in a scale like you have, partly because there are intervening factors that make it super-difficult to identify patterns.
However, one thing that could be at play (if you’re female, sorry, I haven’t got a clue on that score) is sex hormones. Changes in estrogen levels can dramatically affect attention.
anxietyadventures
/ February 3, 2013My new psychiatrist just put me on Lamictal and thinks I live somewhere on the bipolar spectrum. I definitely don’t get the mania bit, hypomania maybe but even that’s mild.
I am female and have wondered whether hormone levels are affecting anything, especially with the family history of endocrine issues.
Beyond initially thinking “yikes, bipolar sounds much scarier than social anxiety and depression” I’ve actually come around to it if it means matching with meds that work.
DeeDee
/ February 3, 2013There are forms of bipolar in which you never get mania – just severe depression cycling with dysthymia/baseline (bipolar disorder NOS).
Hormones are really messing me up. Once I got on Lamictal and stabilized the bipolar cycles, the hormonal triggers became glaringly obvious. Now if only I could get into the specialist to make some progress…