…so why don’t I feel relieved?
All the blood tests came back fine – absolutely nothing out of range.
But I just kind of feel nothing.
The usual, undefinable emptiness.
A list of thoughts -
- This doesn’t mean I’m not broken.
- It does mean that this is all my fault – I can’t blame genetics.
- How can I change my mindset? I’ve lived the past 10 years waiting for the disease-ridden shoe to drop…not that it still won’t but I can’t use it as an excuse anymore.
- Everything is my fault…
- …and I’m whining about it.
depression nation
/ February 8, 2013i remember when i was certain it was going to be my thyroid. i’d just learned of the connection and was sure this was it. it wasn’t. … on your side.
travisthetraveler
/ February 9, 2013I have been learning that everything I feel is a choice. Not consciously, but something deeper. I focus now on the reasons I would choose to feel a certain way. That is a start, but it can be a very long road. Nothing can help me more than myself. I wish you the best!
travisthetraveler
/ February 9, 2013Oh yea, I forgot to mention… What has really helped me as well is my diet! I am eating mostly raw organic foods now; salads and fruit juices that I blend myself from fresh fruit. I stay clear of meat, but I do eat eggs and raw honey. The only other thing I drink is distilled water. I feel so much lighter mentally since I switched.
Of course, meditation is essential if you are under alot of stress. When I meditate I try to feel the world as a simulation that I am experiencing and very quickly I feel outside of all my troubles and I get a clear view of myself and everything. Then I come back and it hits me again, but the more I do it the easier it gets.
I used to be in the Army and I was diagnosed with social anxiety and depression when I was in Iraq. It wasn’t Iraq though, because I have always had social anxiety, not so much depression though. They put me on all kinds of meds that only made it worse in the long run.
It is truly an internal battle that has to be won by the self, otherwise the self will always be less than the problems affecting it. My battle continues today, but it is moving in a very self empowering direction. I hope some of this may help you as well.
fern
/ February 9, 2013I want to say it’s good news that your tests came back normal.. But, I’ve read your blog long enough to know that such news really messes up your ways of coping and it kind of sucks. I send you my support as you rearrange your thinking and assimilate this new information.
Fern
simplybluey
/ February 9, 2013I am sorry you are struggling with this, but I am glad the tests came back with good results. I hope after you some time to sit with it you will be able to feel better about it. Sending good thoughts your way.
Red
prideinmadness
/ February 9, 2013I think this shows you the power of your mind! Use it for good
I am sorry you’re feeling bad though! Hugs!
kenyatta2009
/ February 10, 2013So, why don’t you feel comforted?
DeeDee
/ February 11, 2013Hey, your labs were good – that’s a good thing! Besides, this is not adequate information to start laying blame, or not, whatever the case may be. Genetic/biological causes of mental health problems are so poorly understood, there’s no way you can justify your conclusions. Just saying, ruling out the obvious stuff with blood tests is just ruling out the obvious stuff.